Lucy Werner, Founder of Thewern.com @wernchat A consultancy to help startups and small businesses. Why a dose of self-hype is as important as self-help
Before I had my first baby, I ran my own company with a team which I tried to manage whilst taking mat leave. In parts, I really enjoyed still being able to use that part of my brain, but there were also moments, when the choice was taken away - such as having to write a press release two weeks post-partum - that were difficult. For numerous reasons the business wasn’t flourishing without me (another post for another time on why getting a co-founder can be a great idea). Originally, I had planned to return to work full time at three months using shared parental leave, but when the time came, I wasn’t ready. At six months, I still only felt ready to be back part time and immediately had to make the remaining team redundant. At my lowest point, I remember sitting in a coffee shop feeling like a failure and ugly crying quite publicly. I wanted so badly to create a PR business that served small businesses, but I couldn’t make it profitable and be the Mum I wanted. I then threw myself into house selling / buying and just making ends meet and before I knew it – 2018 had gone. My business had just existed and a whole year had passed me by. I’d ignored my own advice of having a communications plan, promoting myself and any direction. I hadn’t got anywhere because I hadn’t even put in my mind where I wanted to go. The media industry basically shuts down over Christmas, enough was enough, so I took a fortnight off. I used the excuse of letting my French mother-in-law and partner have some quality time together and locked myself away. I created a vision board, I completed the No Bull School end of year review and I set myself goals and tasks for 2019. Then most importantly I started to share them. I started to pitch myself for guest posts, speaker panels, sharing more tips to back up my knowledge on my social channels and other witterings to hopefully give a glimpse into my personality. I joined four different networking groups, I’ve literally never been so busy, but I’ve never made so many contacts and had so many ideas. I hyped myself to everyone and anyone that would listen about what I wanted to do. I overhauled my Instagram with a rebrand and started taking baby steps towards my five-year goals. From 12 months of being a work ghost to hyping myself for just one month - I secured three guest panels, three blog posts, grew my audience, made some lovely new friends (mostly through Mother’s Meetings obvs) and even secured a business book deal! All of which whilst doesn’t dramatically change my business day-to-day are part of my long-term business plan. It’s a marathon not a sprint for sure. If you had told me, even in November, that I would get these things I wouldn’t have believed you. So, my lesson learnt, and to pass on to you ladies is learn to self-hype. It feels scary to put yourself back out there, but as soon as you step out of the shadows, I’m testament that amazing things can happen for you personally and professionally. Lucy Werner, Founder of Thewern.com @wernchat A consultancy to help startups and small businesses.
0 Comments
A MOTHERS FIGHT
Today I write this with sheer pain in my heart, the pain isn’t from our 4 year old son Franck having leukaemia it comes from the haters that want to take me and my family of 4 down. I initially wanted to write about the first few days of Franck being diagnosed but recent events have brought this to the forefront of my mind, so I feel it necessary at this time to express the feelings I have right now! Franck was diagnoses with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia the day after Ruby’s (older sister) 7th Birthday, 5th October 2018. Obviously this destroyed our world as we knew it. When we met our consultant, who is amazing btw, I distinctly remember her saying to both Paul (husband) and I in the procedure room on starlight ward “this is the time when you will find out who your true friends and family are. There are 2 types of people, ones that will support you every step of the way and ones that will turn this onto them and make this into their drama”. Low and behold within the first week this happened and the saddest thing was that it was my Mum. I know she has problems herself, ones that she won’t admit to, that we’ve all brushed under the carpet but this was the time that I REALLY needed my Mum. I’m not denying that I’m perfect in any shape or form but I had just been told that my son has a life threatening disease and the treatment plan was 3.5 years. I needed the support. Instead I heard statements like “has Paul gone back to work”, “ I guess you’ll have to go on benefits like everyone else” “ I have a business I can’t just drop everything” my heart sank and forgive me if I’m wrong but yes I did shout and I did scream because you know what I needed to. I remember screaming “from one mother to another can you just please understand?!?!?” This then caused a ripple effect, Paul text my stepdad as a cry for help asking for them to support me. For some reason this caused anger in my stepdad who proceeded to come up to the hospital the next day to confront Paul, however in the mean time he’d sent the message to both my brothers and Paul’s parents to what can only feel like forming an army against us. This however had no effect on Paul’s parents as they agreed with everything that was written in the said text. The message then sparked anger in my eldest brother who as I later found out was told by my sister in law to not come up to the hospital and confront me. This advice was ignored and he came up to a children’s cancer ward to intentionally confront me on a matter that was none of his business. I have never denied that I’m rubbish in an argument, if I feel I’m getting attacked my defence walls immediately come up and I will shout, but that gets perceived as “I’m an angry person” (I’m literally shaking whilst writing this, all those belittling feelings are coming back) I remember my brother standing over me whilst I was led on the hospital bed laughing and repeatedly laughing and saying “you’re an angry person” at this point Franck came into the room and told him to “get out and leave my mummy alone” my brother walked out of the room raising his voice down the corridor saying “you’re an angry person, you need help”. As you can imagine I felt like I had been repeatedly kicked in the stomach 1000 times. The whole ward heard this and Paul had no other option but to tell my brother to stay away from us. Ok let’s be honest he probably used a few swear words... Whilst we were in hospital for the induction stage, it soon came to light by what our consultant and nurses were telling us that the first 6-9months were the hardest and that we needed to be financially secure because Paul would not be able to work. Franck and ruby needed both of us around during this time. There was no question that we needed help financially so we set up a gofundme page. We didn’t want to as it wasn’t in our nature but we panicked and thought if we don’t we are going to lose our home and business. We are absolutely overwhelmed with the response we got and are still getting, we reached our goal of 50k within months and people still want to fundraise for us. Being in this environment opens your eyes to what other families are going through which is why we’ve used the companies that work with us to fundraise for the hospitals Grand appeal and the haematology & oncology (starlight) ward in Bristol’s Children’s hospital to make this whole experience easier for other families, the kids going through such awful times and to give back. This is something both Paul and I are extremely passionate about and we will always fundraise for these brave kids and their families. Leukaemia will affect Franck’s life forever, he will beat this and ring that bell after 3.5 years but he has to look after himself because if not it could come back in later life or he could get another form of cancer. Anyone with even an ounce of compassion would understand that this is the most hardest time of our lives and that the emotional struggle is real. Not having that financial strain is a god blessing and we cannot thank everyone enough!!! Now let’s talk about our social media presence... both Paul and I are heavily into instagram as we all are (let’s be honest) and we use it as an outlet to show our supporters what Franck is going through, we certainly don’t hold back and show the pain that Franck has to endure every time he has to go down for a lumber punch, have chemo injected into his spine, his port accessed, chemo stabbed into his leg... the list goes on and I’m sure you can imagine from a parents point of view that seeing your child go through this is torture. We are using our experience and our following to raise awareness for this horrible disease that although is rare, affects so many kids in the U.K. Our consultant has even asked us to because like any other ward, hospital, disease, awareness is key because they rely heavily on funding. We can all judge behind our phones over posts and stories on Instagram but social media is a smoke screen. Sometimes I think I’ve seen friends recently when in actual fact I’ve seen them on IG and totally forgotten to stay in contact because you feel like you are in contact with them every day. People will sit behind their phones and get angrier and angrier at what they see and start hating on you and it’s pure jealousy but you don’t know what happens behind closed doors, you dont know the struggle some people are going through but their picture or story says otherwise. I have another older brother who has done just this, in the last day or so after I’d clocked this was happening, the lack of contact, never asking how Franck is, never coming to see us. When you know you just know and it hurts. I would spend days crying about it. I had to take charge so I blocked him from my Instagram and phone contacts, in fact I blocked everyone in that circle. I cannot let this in, I have to concentrate on my family and be strong for them. I was out taking one of my dogs for a walk and bumped into him, I noticed that laugh, snigger he did, (just like my other brother had done) so I knew he knew. His wife who was also there was asking about Franck’s treatment we were going into hospital for that day. I told them he was going in for an echo to check the chemo hadn’t damaged his heart, which I was very nervous about because what happens if it had? I wasn’t in the mood to confront the situation after he asked why? I told him why and he insisted we talked about it there and then. Oh no I wasn’t going to be controlled so I started to walk away because I know what I get like when they start to go in on me yet that wasn’t good enough and I was called “pathetic” “angry” etc etc... When Paul confronted him via a telephone conversation, it all then came out... “we have an agenda” “we are living the life of Riley on other people’s money” “we should be asking how he is” “he can’t wait for people to see the real Paul” Gobsmacked, dumbfounded, shocked, the list goes on. Do I really deserve all of this? Am I a horrible person? Am I even angry? The answer to all of these questions is NO, however I will always question myself and will let those horrible thoughts come into my head. I’m just a mother fighting the worst fight of her life, trying to stay strong to get Franck, Ruby & Paul through this. Thankfully I have a very supportive husband who has my back, he would rather deep the negativity than see me hurt and in pain and that speaks volumes. I have amazing friends who are my REAL family and other members of family who are being super supportive. With every situation there is always going to be negative people that will try and take you down but these people will only make us stronger. I know my truth... #francksfight On this beautifully sunny day, us mamas had some serious ‘insta surgery’ from Instagram guru, and author, Sara Tasker.
Only 6 years ago, whilst on maternity leave, feeling lost and missing her identity outside of her new role of motherhood, Sara found solace in her phone and set herself up on Instagram, a decision that soon ‘changed her world’. Finding a space to connect with others and share her creativity, whilst feeling free to completely be herself Sara gained over 1000 followers within her first month, soon to be 40k in 4 months. Posting a photo each day she continued to bloom with a huge following, successful blog, influencer work and whole new community of friends, connections and exciting business prospects. So obviously, we all wanted to know... HOW ? In the social media world Sara has created a life that she has full control over, that benefits her with a great salary, she even has her husband working for her, whilst living in her much dreamed about home in the country with her family. Sara gave us all some pointers that I am going share with you all below. I also recommend you buy Sara’s book, I have read it in one day and it’s a must read if you are looking to grow your Instagram, and yourself ! Let’s talk.... FOLLOWERS We are all so focused on followers ...but who is it that you are trying to reach? This is what you need to focus on. Gaining a significant and meaningful following is much more advantageous. People that engage with you and your content, these are the followers that count, these are who can help grow your page/business. THE BIO and THE GRID ......Come on we’ve all don’t it right? Typed out a few lines, deleted, changed it, used up our space allowance. Written it out again. This is the first thing people read about you. Its your identity, branding and theme. What you are ALL about ...This and your first few squares are the things people see when they look at your page. YOU are your own content! Make it factual, have a theme. REFINE WHAT YOUR BRAND MESSAGE IS AND MAKE YOUR STYLE CONSISTENT Using apps and editing tools to create same style pictures, Sara suggested Lightroom as a good app for editing and planning apps like Plann to see how your page will look when you post, saving you any ‘insta regret’ and giving you chance to save hashtags and captions. KNOW YOUR BRAND MESSAGE Is your page individual to your brand? #HASHTAGS A way of finding your people! 10-15 is Sara’s recommended amount, move them up, change them to suit seasonal changes for example or using some very active and some less popular tags feature hashtags and topical hashtags form the community. New, fresh lists to increase engagement. TALKING OF ENGAGEMENT... Spend time engaging with your people. Every comment you leave on someone’s page is like a digital business card for your account, take time to like and comment interact with followers who comment on your post. Look up hashtag searches or location searches to discover likeminded people. Connect and be authentic. POSTING How often? Frequent posts can equal to a greater following, however cut yourself some slack if you can’t manage 3 posts a day for example..if you do post less just be sure to engage more. Share your latest post on to your stories, set aside 20 minutes to reply to comments, even just a ‘like’ to show you have seen and read it...remember connections and communication gains you a community. This is the secret weapon of social media. BLOG Blogging gives you a permanence that maybe Instagram doesn’t, you are your content. Collect a mailing list for your blog readers as this is a great way to make meaningful contact. KEEP SAFE and BE KIND TO YOURSELF Go to your setting and turn on the hide offensive comments option. You can also add keywords you wish to filter out of comments on your post. Turn on two factor authentication, twice as secure and harder to hack (There are more helpful tips in the book) Sara’s recipe for success in a nutshell... Post Brilliant Content, not perfection, just being selective and pushing yourself. Engage Spend more time exploring other people’s pages then your own get out your comfort zone. Interact with new people. Try new things and accept their is no magic wand! Be unique, clear and consistent, be who you are m. Trust the process, learn and share. Instagram is generally a very positive environment. Thanks Sara for all your tips and Instagram surgery on the very spot for some of our brave mamas, seeing all your different instagrams and business ideas never ceases to inspire me and make me realise how powerful social media is today. I wouldn’t have met any of you if it wasn’t for the little free app that is INSTAGRAM. Great meeting as always Jenny, thank you Becci @one.busy.mother Written by Becci @one.busy.mother February’s new MM members kick started the week off with a very busy, very buzzy, coffee morn. The Lioness of life coaching, Danielle Mckenna and MM’s Jenny Scott, welcomed all the mamas (some very very new mamas) and soon got on the way with some pointers for growing our self confidence. Shoreditch House library was packed, literally bursting, some scared, some excited and some ‘not sure if I should be here?’ mums. After a quick little warm up exercise from Danielle, all of us couldn’t stop talking and the room was filled with energy ( a few baby screams and some boobs out action) the room was alive and it was pretty clear we were all glad we were there. WE ALL have that annoying little inner critic of a voice, every single one of us, yep even the mums that look like they are SO together. We are all constantly doubting and pulling ourselves apart, on everything from our looks, to parenting skills, relationships and careers. This became very clear once we all started talking. None of us had any trouble writing three negative things that we said to ourselves that morning. I’ll be honest I could’ve gone on to an extra sheet of paper. It made me feel quite sad to hear some of the listings of doom when Danielle read them out. Really sad actually. The energy had completely changed in the room. In fact it felt ...Flat as a pancake :( Here I was in a room full of women, all totally different, some so stylish or with beautiful skin, gorgeous smiles, friendly and warm, and yet here they all were saying they were ‘too fat, too shouty, not good enough, too loud, too quiet, can’t do it’. Wtf. I am writing this like I hadn’t told myself anything negative ... well let me tell you I have the biggest arse hole of an inner critic, I rip myself to pieces daily....Even the morning of the meeting, anxiously wondering who I’ll know, will people think I’m this or that, will I blurt something out embarrassing blah blah blah. I am very good at appearing confident when inside I’m actually riddled with self critical ramblings .... Anyway.... We all had to close our eyes and picture this annoying inner voice as a person. In fact do it now ..... What does yours look like? I imagined mine as the little red gremlin emoji 👹....most women saw themselves, the lady next to me ....pictured a skinny man... which keeps making me giggle. Picturing this inner voice as a person and connecting with them, can actually make it easier to control. Next up was the chance for us to connect with our INNER LEADER... now listen up as this is the girl (or boy) you need to know .. My Inner leader ... well she is basically Oprah, she is one bad ass mother, full of sass and confidence. She is telling me that I am wise, compassionate and helping me fill my life with purpose and clarity. I pictured meeting her at my safe place (where’s yours? Mine is a beautiful, sunny beach ...I’m a cancerian, I love to be by the water) wth birds and butterflies and warm sun on my face. So ok, are you with me ??? When that gremlin pops up, STOP, breathe, put your feet firmly on the ground and imagine being at your safe place. Picture your inner leader coming to you there and telling you, ‘girl, you have got this, you can do this, you have the authority to live your life the way you want to, the power and the strength to be who you want to be,’ or if you can’t go that far, even just giving you the reassurance that they are there, when you need them. Danielle taught me that in one hour🤷🏻♀️ .... made me think I probably should’ve seen a life coach about 20 years ago 😂 I’ve only been doing it for one day but I’m liking my little meet up with Oprah at the beach. She’s got my back. As mums, you can really loose yourself can’t you? Putting everyone else’s needs above your own. Spinning a million plates. Never giving yourself any time, feeling guilty when you do. Over time this can knock our confidence, which in turn can contribute to us missing out on opportunities, goals and dreams. All because of that little gremlin inner critic of an arse, but you have the power to change that. You just have to find your inner leader You deserve happiness, you deserve ‘you time’ however you can find it. You deserve to live your life how you want to, you have the power to change your life, you have the power to silence your inner critic. You need to practise self love, and self care. I know it’s easier said then done, but just try it. Practise meeting your leader. Tell yourself this .... I CAN I WILL I AM I DESERVE Find what you love, even for just 20 mins, a run, a bath, some meditation, yoga or maybe an insta scroll, a cuddle with your kids / friend /partner ...do whatever makes you feel grounded, and breathe I absolutely loved meeting you all, and just for the record, all of the mums I had the pleasure of speaking to, I could easily now say three things about you that I thought made you flipping great, You are BRAVE You are BEAUTIFUL You made me feel WELCOME So Thank you. When women support women powerful things can happen. We are in this together and we can help each other grow. I look forward so much to meeting you again at the next MM. Danielle and Jenny thank you, I will leave you all with this .... @one.busy.mother for Mother’s Meetings.
WORDS BY THE FAB Becci @one.busy.motherNetworking @mothersmeetings stylee
Not a manky conference room in sight, in fact quite the opposite, how cool is Town Hall hotel and apartments ? No awkward intros or cringe moments, within minutes of my arrival, the huge room was full of women, babies, and cute little toddlers. Do you know what I find so cool about these events is that everyone speaks to each other, people walk in and say hi, just mums wanting a nice chat and some time out. There were loads of MM virgins, some of which had babies honestly fresh out the womb. HATS off girls, I mean seriously, to even get out the house, let alone go on your own to a massive event like that I think you are Brave AF. We started this MM with the calming voice of @ayishacarrington_(aka the spiritual G) relaxing us all with a little meditation. Loosing any anxiety or post school run stress, and getting us all in the mood to relax and listen to the powerhouse panel of mamas Jenny had brought together for us. Jen welcomed us all and covered the fact that as mamas we are all constantly bogged down with pressure. That we shouldn’t feel guilty for the odd time / chance we get to sit down, with a cuppa and just be. So with our cuppas, one by one, the panel took to the mic to share with us some unwanky, cringe free networking tips, online and offline. Kicking it off @juniepoonie queen of the bespoke cards, stationary and seriously sassy prints told us to ‘Be brave. When you get told no by someone, it’s not the end, keep going, don’t worry, someone will say yes as Someone will LOVE what you do. Find those people. Stick with them and BE YOURSELF’ Next up Lucy from @wernpr, glowing with pregnancy glow.... Lucy encouraged us all to ‘provide value with everyone you interact with, and continue to build on relationships. Work off those online and offline vibes and remember that anyone can do anything. Publicise you, be you, You have nothing to loose. Go for it.’ Keri @doiikeamother in all of her pink beauty, a self confessed mum life disruptor, who likes to show mother’s that it’s not the end of a life you had but seeing it more of a ‘rebirth’ when you’ve had kids, said we should ‘Welcome contact and new connections, ignore the fact it seems women are channeled to be mean girls and out to get each other, and instead focus on boosting each other up, welcome new opportunity, be fearless and reserve judgement’ Helen @notaboutthekids told us how she likes to ‘Share love, shower compliments like confetti, build and work on connections and friendships. Keep in touch with your people, chat, have coffees....build yourself a COMMUNITY stop telling yourself you can’t... you can and age shouldn’t stop you either’ (flipping go girl.. also can I have your anti ageing secrets as when you said you were in your 40s I nearly choked on my caffeine.) So there you have it. Some majorly positive kick ass, attitudes and advice from mamas who are doing all the above and reaping the rewards. I’m excited to follow them on their journeys now, watch them grow. In fact all of you mamas I met this is just the beginning or the journey, right? We went on to ‘network’ (basically chat, laugh and share stories with more confidence than if we hadn’t started off with a standing power pose.......Anyone else been wandering round the house like it since? My kids are like mums doing that thing with her arms up again.. then they really think I’ve lost it when I shout YOU’RE SAFE HERE, the teen is like please don’t do that when my mates come over) .... mmmmm watch me, We played some human bingo. I was starting convos with women I’ve never met ‘just tell me do you have matching underwear on’ or ‘ffs who’s got bloody twins or sliders?’ Good starting points for a convo tho! I met so many mums who I honestly was blown away by there stories, ideas and instagram showreel, not to mention their cute babies. Most importantly I can’t wait to see them all again. I have loved looking at everyone’s instagrams and Learning more about the ladies I met ( yep Jen bit of husband stalking ... interiors too im a sucker for an interior stalk) anyway I left feeling like this ... Brave, fearless and with a buzz similar to that of a night out (from what I can remember of having nights out ) minus the hangover and with some new mates that I didn’t meet chatting drunk shit to in a bog. Just really nice people. Oh and I didn’t feel like I networked at all, I just had a nice time, and followed some pretty cool mamas on insta. See you at the next one ladies KEEP GOING, stick with your tribe, boost each other up, be yourselves, as you are all bloody fab ....and remember WE have got this! Sisters are doing it for themselves !!!!!! Becci @one.busy.mother |
Archives
March 2024
Categories |