The Invisible Load: What No One Tells You About Being a Woman in Business and at Home

​I was told I could “have it all.” A thriving career. A happy family. A full, meaningful life.

What no one told me was the price I’d pay for carrying it all.

Because it isn’t just the visible work — the deadlines, the meetings, the school runs. It’s the invisible load that wears you down: remembering the homework project, booking the dentist, knowing who had a nightmare last night and who needs extra cuddles today. It’s the weight you hold in your head and your heart, even when no one else can see it.

I know that load all too well.

After losing my sister to suicide, I channelled my grief into building Sophie Says, a children’s brand dedicated to helping the next generation grow up with confidence, resilience, and kindness. At the same time, I was navigating IVF, losing both my grandparents, grieving a miscarriage and losing my mother to cancer all whilst trying to raise three children under 6, and trying to hold my family, and myself, together.

People often said, “You’re amazing, I don’t know how you do it all.” And inside, I wanted to cry: I don’t. I’m stretched so thin. I’m grieving. I’m beyond exhausted. But I’m expected to keep going, keep smiling, keep carrying it all.

And I know I’m not alone.

So many women carry the invisible load every single day. And it’s not because we’re failing at balance, it’s because the systems around us aren’t built to support us. Workplaces still assume there’s someone else at home picking up the slack. Society still praises women for “juggling it all” rather than asking why we’re expected to juggle so much in the first place.

That’s why I believe these conversations matter. The upcoming Soho House panel on 'The Invisible Load' is about shining a light on what has been hidden for too long. Because once we name it, once we share it, it becomes harder for society to ignore.

Women shouldn’t have to choose between ambition and motherhood. Between success and sanity. Between caring for others and caring for themselves.

We deserve workplaces, families, and communities that see the invisible work we do — and share it more equally.
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Because the truth is, we can’t “have it all” if we’re the only ones carrying it all.
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​ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Esther Marshall is the founder of Sophie Says, a children’s brand building confidence,
resilience, and positive mental health in the next generation. After losing her sister to suicide, Esther left her corporate career to create a legacy in her name, reshaping the children’s book market and opening up honest conversations about resilience, grief, and self-belief. As a mother of three, she speaks candidly about grief, IVF, pregnancy loss, and the invisible load of juggling motherhood and ambition, inspiring women to know they don’t have to carry it all alone.

Instagram - @sophiesaysofficial