In my twenties, I lived for the weekend. The build-up of going out on a Saturday night stretching out all day – a few texts to agree where to meet, then hours in town trying on new tops in Miss Selfridge or Jane Norman (or Kookai and French Connection on payday weekend) Home for a quick shower, spray of CK1, way too much highlighter and hairspray and I was ready. Out for hours – pubs, club, Barcadi Breezers and shots. Not giving a second thought to being on my feet in heels all night or the long walk home with no coat.
Jump forward two decades and wow how things have changed. Nights out in my forties, are still oh so fun, but that carefree wannabe Lily Allen had no idea how easy she had it! 1.Getting a date is a military operation When the suggestion of a night out comes through on WhatsApp, the group instantly lights up with yes's and dancing GIFS. Yet the collective bubble of excitement about where to go and what to wear, soon gets burst when we try to find a date. Babysitters, work or travel headaches - nothing quite kills the buzz like middle aged mum logistics. 2. Having the right underwear matters It really matters. The further I move into midlife, the more scaffolding I need. Yet, if it all gets a bit much, going to the pub loo half way through the night to stash your over zealus control pants in your bag when feeling like you can’t breathe, is perfectly acceptable too. 3. Make-up is personal Despite the tired eyes and laughter lines, I feel way more confident in my own skin the older I've got and I think that's partly down to figuring out what suits me. Ridiculously, I went into my twenties with a very similar make up bag to all my friends, not mattering we all had very different faces! I'm not sure Heather & Coffee Shimmer ever really suited any of us to be honest. But in youth as with most things, my confidence came from being the same as everyone else. I'm all about layering these days - serums, creams, sprays and lotions, they all work as my confidence armour. Do they really work? or am I bordering on Barbara Cartland by the time I'm ready? - probably the latter, but they make me feel good, so I'm going with it. 4. Old friends with old stories are a tonic for the soul There's no better feeling than sitting round a table with women you've known forever. Retelling the same stories and laughing at the same silly jokes that have been said time and time again for years - It just never gets old. There’s no time or need for small talk. We've all got so much going on, we almost need an agenda to get through all the life, work and home woes and wins in one evening. Yet, equally the night so often gets easily highjacked in another direction - Harry Styles, the merits of Botox, the David Beckham documentary. Or where to go on a fantasy holiday together we will never take, are all popular curve balls that can take up an evening. 5. It doesn't really matter where we go Its more about the people I'm with. We might take a ridiculously long time deciding where and always make sure we book these days, but when it comes to it, we barely take a breath talking, let alone look up - there's so much to catch up on. So in reality, we are not that bothered where we are - just so long as there is something to sit on, that is. I'm definitely over the standing up all night in heels phase. 6. One night out, equals two days recovery If I've really gone for it on a night out - and by that I mean guzzled down two glasses of wine in minutes at the over excitement of being Out Out followed by bad choices about the amount of spirits I can then handle for the rest of the evening - I'm in trouble the next day. As the drinks rack up (and my eye makeup slides down) I always think I can handle more booze than I really can. What used to be solved with a pint of water and a fry up, is now often a two-day trial. Day one a monumental hangover, followed by day two where I’m hit with a bus of emotional blues. Finally lets end with what most of my Saturday nights really look like, because lets face it, although going out is great, in reality its not that often... 7. Staying in isn’t a bad thing Every weekend without fail in my twenty’s was all about Saturday nights out. This then morphed into meals, or house parties with friends as we entered our late twenties, all followed by Sunday lay ins and TV marathons. When I was younger, I felt bad for the people that said they’d had a quiet weekend, when I went into work on a Monday. Now the thought of Netflix, wine and a nice meal at home in my lounge wear - oh so middle aged and oh so lovely. By Issy Joslin Writer and Social Media Manager Insta: @a_suffolk_mum Website: www.asuffolkmum.co.uk
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As a mother of three children and women's health and fitness coach, and an expert in pre
and postnatal fitness - I understand how hard it can feel to make the time to prioritise our health and fitness. Certainly, now with the world of social media, many fitness influencers are sharing their online fitness programs without any clue of the challenges we mums face on a day-to-day basis but also the physical changes our bodies go through during pregnancy and beyond. It is a topic I am extremely passionate about; I want all mums to feel empowered to become their fittest, happiest, and most confident selves without sacrificing time with their children, foods they love and their social life which is so important for the mother's mental health. You can achieve a healthy lifestyle without doing a hard and fast unrealistic program, trust me, as a mum of three, what I tell my clients to do, I breathe every day. Firstly, it is important to recognise and accept the physical changes our bodies have gone through during pregnancy and beyond. You may have diastasis recti and pelvic floor dysfunction, but this is not a reason to stop you from achieving your goals. We need to consider this and ensure the foundation work is done first. Having a baby is the most precious, exhilarating yet challenging time of our lives. To grow a baby and birth to a baby requires so much strength and energy. I strongly believe you can become your strongest self-following childbirth when you know how to start. Here are some tips to support you to prioritise your health, fitness, and wellness as a busy mum: 1. Set realistic goals - understand that your fitness journey may look different now than before children and that’s ok. Focus on the things you can do and then set realistic and achievable goals which align with your current lifestyle and schedule. 2. Create a schedule - Plan your workouts just like you would do with any other important task you have to do for work or other areas of your life. Add this to your diary commit yourself to do it and tick it off your schedule. When setting the time into your diary, be realistic. Don’t try and do a workout on a day when you know there is already very little time (less than you would normally have) and less support around. You are likely to not do it- then this feeling will cause self-criticism. 3. Short and effective workouts - you may not have the time now to go to the gym and do the 60-minute class you enjoyed before having a baby. Don’t let that be an excuse to give up. Rather swap for at-home express workouts. Focus on shorter, high- intensity workouts, which can be slotted into your busy day for example when the baby is napping or during a lunch break at work. My FIT MAMA powered by Mari Carmen Fitness app has many at-home express workouts perfect for the busy mum and if you are new to exercise following having a baby you will find a safe 6-week postnatal program on the app. 4. Get the family involved - Make fitness a family affair. Include your children in walks, bike rides or family workouts. Getting outside during the weekend to the park not alone has many health benefits but will also save you money. 5. Meal planning and prepping - Spend some time at the weekend planning and prepping your meals. Where possible try to plan and prepare lunches and snacks for those busy days. For example, when cooking your dinner cook more, which you can then store in a container for lunch the following: super easy and effective. 6. Prioritise sleep - I know this one is challenging as busy mums and something we have no control over but there are a few things we can try to do. If your little one goes down at 7 pm, try getting an earlier night to catch up on sleep before the early hour night feeds start. If you are lucky enough to have sleeping children, then ensure you make the most of this and prioritise a good evening routine. Remove devices at least 90 minutes before bed and create your bedroom the perfect space to catch up on sleep; darkness, right temperature, and no electronics. If you have the time reading before bed is a great habit to get into as will not only support your mental health/personal development, but it will also promote sleep. 7. Practice self-care - Remember that self-care is not selfish. Where possible take breaks to be alone by yourself to reflect, process and breathe easy. It may only be 5 minutes or so over a cuppa but use this time wisely to just sit with your thoughts with no distractions. 8. Seek support -Motherhood is one hell of a journey. Seek support from loved ones and friends who are also on a similar journey to you. Choose wisely and make sure they are giving you the support you need. Having a support system can make a big difference. 9. Be kind to yourself - Understand there will be days that do not go to plan and accept that this is life and it’s ok. On days when you are not feeling yourself be conscious of where you spend your time on social media as remember comparison is the thief of joy. Do not compare someone's ‘reel highlights’ with real life. Perfection does not exist. Starting with one or two of these tips may just help you prioritise your health, fitness, and mindset. FIT MAMA powered by Mari Carmen Fitness app, is not just another fitness app. This app has been designed by mums for mums to give you all the tools you need to become the best version of yourself throughout motherhood and beyond. By Mari-Carmen Sanchez-Morris Insta: @maricarmenfitness Website: www.maricarmenfitness.com There’s a reason I lost my shit the last time (because this has happened many times) a well-meaning fellow mum said to me, “Just arrange the vegetables in smiley faces, that worked for our son who was *really* fussy”. Genuinely, I’ve wanted to smack the smirk off every single person who has said that to me over the past 3 years (and I’m not generally a violent person), because Braxton isn’t “just fussy”.
I have known this for a long time, that our situation is more serious than just fussy / picky eating. I’ve known that the dark circles under his eyes are likely the result of not having enough iron in his red blood cells, and that the sporadic pains he experiences in his body are because there isn’t enough glucose circulating his muscles, that the bursts of hyperactivity are spurred on by the spikes in his blood sugar-levels, caused by the only foods he will eat, and that his immune system is lower than it should be for the son of a holistic wellness coach and nutritionist, because he simply doesn’t get enough nutrients and what he is eating is damaging his gut, and therefore, his immune system. I have known all of this, but after pursuing numerous approaches that bore no results, I kept being told by well-meaning family members that he’ll grow out of it as kids usually do, to just “give him what he wants” in the meantime, and that I am being too “stressy” and highly-strung about his eating. So I tried, in vain, to “relax” about his eating in the hope that less resistance from me would reap results. I didn’t do a great job of relaxing, because deep down I knew that he wouldn’t just grow out of it, and we have now, at four years and three months old, been given a diagnosis of ARFID – avoidant restrictive food intake disorder – and anaemia, which may not sound particularly serious, but as I have discovered throughout the course of my own life with chronic illness and subsequent remission, the body offers warning signs. The onset of deficiencies that aren’t dealt with can be the catalyst for any number of conditions that we may be genetically predisposed to. It’s a slippery slope. Though I certainly cannot blame anyone else, I am angry at them for continuously telling me “let it go”. But mostly, I’m angry at myself for not being firmer in my resolve to the well-meaning family members and friends. I suppose that after trying everything we possibly could (at least everything we knew about), the only other option was to wait and hope that things would improve. But with each passing day that Braxton’s eating got worse, as did my anxiety surrounding the situation. It began early on - It all started when he hit a year old. If I’m being honest, he never loved food, even for those 6 months that he was on solids before he reached a year he was never the baby who ate everything in sight, and I can only recall two occasions where he reached for what was on my plate, but at least he ate. He always had a very strong gag reflex, and around the time he turned 1, he would gag each time he tried something new, and the gag reflex would lead to projectile vomiting. This happened on many occasions when I was in public places, without my husband as it was always during the day, as I navigated new motherhood with this child who would just vomit wherever we went, other mothers swiftly gathering up their young to escape the vomiting child, lest it be contagious. One time I was in a soft-play café when it happened. It went everywhere – absolutely everywhere. He was drenched from head to toe, the high chair was drowning under the weight of the vomit, and I was covered in the stuff myself. Not one of the mums around us offered to help, and that was the last time I took Brax anywhere at mealtime for a long while. After a few months of this happening, I took him to the doctor to see what was wrong with him, not yet connecting the dots myself, because surely this wasn’t normal. After ruling out allergies, reflux, gut issues and anything more sinister (which I admit I didn’t allow tests for because I knew it wasn’t sinister), I managed to look back over those months, put things into perspective, and realise that it was nothing more than the fact that he was a child with a very reactive gag reflex. The cause may not have been sinister, but its consequences certainly were. As Braxton’s brain began to connect eating new foods with being violently sick, he trained his brain to believe that food was bad, and over time, his dietary repertoire decreased and decreased, and as he became more verbal, he even taught himself to say things like “that will make me sick” or “this is dirty food” – these were NEVER things he’d heard us say. And that’s where we are today. A mother who is a nutritionist, health-food blogger and wellness coach – the annoying kind who makes homemade jam and vitamin gummies, homemade gluten-free bread and dips, weekly soups and beetroot burgers, healthy cookies and crumbles, not to mention coming from an Israeli / Moroccan family where being a foodie isn’t a choice, it’s a given – and a son, who, as of January 2020, will eat only: jacket potato with beans and cheese, plain pasta, pizza or pizza bagel and, what can only be described as a blessing from God, his daily morning smoothie, into which I’m able to put a load of superfoods and some essential vitamins. THANK. GOD. Our lowest point came recently when he stopped eating fish fingers and nuggets when he could “see the white”. The foods I vowed I’d never give my children are now things I would be happy to see him eat again. Fish fingers would at least mean him getting some protein. Bolognese was given up around 4 months ago, with no explanation, because it’s “dirty”, but give the kid a chocolate and he’ll Bruce Bogtrotter the whole thing up. Try and give him the chocolate in a bribe if he eats a vegetable, however, and he’ll forgo the chocolate. He has a defiance in him that I have never seen on a child before, and that all my friends who have kids of the same age, agree is unusual. “If you eat just one pea, just ONE,” I plead, “you can have that whole chocolate you chose!” Braxton’s response: “I won’t have the chocolate then,” and he’ll walk away. Like a calm, self-assured Mafia boss who rests in the knowledge that the other person will always relent, because he’s the one that does the negotiation, no one else. I’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse, he’s thinking, and that offer is that he’ll eat chips or he’ll go hungry. Don Corleone has nothing on Braxton. And yes, bribing was also something I vowed before becoming a parent that I’d never do. It’s easy to stick to the list of non-negotiables that you compiled before you had kids when you have children who you know won’t let themselves starve. Braxton is a whole other kettle of fish, and changes in our approach to parenting have come from a place of utter desperation. You do what you have to do to get by. No stone is left unturned - When we realized that bribing and negotiating wouldn’t work (nor would the smiley faces or different colours or nice plates or eating on the floor or outside or in the car or in fucking outer space), and two doctors had said he was healthy, we took him to a homeopath we know and have worked with before (not our usual homeopath), one who is also a GP. “Just leave food out for him, don’t force it, and he’ll eat eventually when he realises he’s not getting anything else. Give him healthy foods he likes and nothing else.” She gave us some remedies to try, to no avail. We then took him to our usual homeopath who spent hours figuring out which remedies would be right, but again, nothing changed. (I’d like to note here that this is the first thing homeopathy hasn’t worked, for me.) The next step was to take him to our naturopath, who has five healthy children of her own so any advice from her is always welcome, but after she’d exhausted the checklist of generic questions: does he eat better at nursery because they usually do, does he eat better at your mum’s house – she basically said the same as the homeopath. It was as if people, even professionals in our life, were not acknowledging that this wasn’t a child who would just decide one day that he now enjoyed the food. I couldn’t imagine it happening – even though I constantly prayed it would – because I knew my son. I knew that it went deeper and that his defiance is part of his innate character. Even as a baby he was independent beyond comprehension; nothing could be in his cot – teddies, books, muslins or anything else that usually offer babies comfort, and he would never accept any sort of comforter such as a dummy, toy, or blanket – he rejected anything and everything that would have made life easier for us. And yes, these qualities will stand him in good stead as an adult – his confounded, unmitigated self-assurance and awareness of self – but parenting a child like that, well, saying it’s challenging is more of an understatement than saying that Oprah is a bit successful. He may grow up to be this independent, self-assured adult, but if I haven’t dropped down dead from the stress of it all before then to witness it, I’ll eat my hat (or my vegetables). Because our children are here to challenge us to the very core of our beings. They strip away the ego until we are forced to bare ourselves naked and acknowledge our truest selves in the most raw, exposed, humanness of our shadow self. And that’s where I’m at now. So after the practitioners who always solved all my problems before this couldn’t help, we took him to a child psychologist who also happened to be a gastroenterologist – the perfect combination for our situation, I thought (if not a little more mainstream than we’re used to). But, alas, we essentially spent £250 for him to send us an email of ‘tips’ after the consultation – all of the same ilk as the aforementioned suggestions. Oh, and have we tried letting him cook alongside us so he can see how the food is made? No, genius, I’m a food blogger but have never had my son in the kitchen with me. Along the way, we also took him to a paediatrician and our cranial osteopath, and I started having sessions with a spiritual life coach to unblock anything in my own energy that might be causing this. I’m still on that journey. More recently, a friend whose son stopped eating following a sickness bug suggested EFT (emotional freedom technique). She said her son had stopped eating everything because of the fear that he might be sick again. Although her son was 7 and remembered a time in his life when he did eat and food was ok, we thought we’d give it a go as we hadn’t tried it yet, and it was gentle. The EFT practitioner was also a colour therapist. She did the tapping on him without him knowing what it was about, and she worked with the colours. She explained that Braxton is a ‘red’ child. We are all made up of colours but very rarely is someone fully ‘red’ without that red being muted down a bit with other colours. She’d only ever treated 2 red children before him. She said it explained his infernal defiance, and that simple bit of information helped me emotionally. As someone who advocates a personalized and individualized approach to healthcare, I’ve spent years trowelling through information about what makes us all unique, more recently delving into the modality of Human Design, so this helped me to understand why things that worked for other children (like bribing with chocolate, a method which will see most children submitting their principles), never works with Brax. I had a session with her myself, once again trying to take responsibility for the situation we find ourselves in, aware that it could be something in my own energy and willing to play my part and put in the work. The practitioner came for 2 weeks in a row, then said to wait for 2 weeks and in that time not mention the food at all – just give him what he wants and lay off, and in 2 weeks there should be some minor improvement. But, as I feared (and I wish I wasn’t shrouded by this total pessimism surrounding this situation but I suppose I’ve lost all hope), nothing changed. And as the heaviness under his eyes morphed itself into an altogether deeper and more terrifying hue, and the complaints about sporadic joint pain became less sporadic and more frequent, I knew I had to do something fast. We’d already taken him to a paediatric rheumatologist after the first few times he’d complained of knee pain before he was 3. I was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis aged 2, so it’s always at the back of my mind and I whisked him off to the doctor at the first mention of knee pain even though I could see there was no inflammation. At the time the doctor said he looked healthy, I was doing all the right things (supplements etc), and that he’s sure things would improve. But over a year later, here we are. Our genes determine which illnesses we are predisposed to, our lifestyle determines whether they get triggered…The thing is, I’ve spent my entire career advocating the fact that our genes are not our destiny and that our lifestyle determines which genetically pre-disposed illnesses will get triggered and when. The fields of epigenetics and nutrigenomics leave no doubt that this is the case. So we may have grown up with a debilitating chronic disease that even others in our family might have too, but with the right lifestyle choices for our children, this illness need never be triggered in them. Which meant that my entire approach to parenthood coming into it was to do everything I possibly could to strengthen my children’s immune systems. I pushed myself through a 24-hour back-to-back labour with no pain-relief to bring my son into this world in the calmest, most natural way possible to ensure that not only did he come into contact with all the essential birth microbiome that comes with a natural delivery, but that he would not start his life with trauma that could lead to physical difficulties. I placed immense pressure on myself to breastfeed both children through excruciating damaged milk ducts to ensure that their guts were as strong as they could be from the beginning, which would lead to a strengthened immune system, not faltering on this for a minute when postpartum arthritis flare-ups (that only happened after birth when otherwise in remission) left me unable to walk and some days, hold my babies. I knew that stopping breastfeeding would probably help me heal quicker, but I wasn’t prepared to risk any autoimmune response in my children triggered by gut issues from formula. (Just to be clear, I don’t regret any of these choices and would make the same decisions all over again.) But then, came weaning, and I was ready and prepared – excited even – making absolutely everything from scratch with the finest quality organic ingredients, absolutely sure that nurture would lead the way over nature, and that my children would be great eaters because of what they saw at home and I’d be able to say to people who told me about their fussy kids, “Oh, you have to let them see how it’s done at home”. Smug bitch. And yet. And yet… of all the things that could happen, my child chose to hate food. And with all my qualifications and experience, it all remains futile and redundant and none of it matters because if he won’t eat, there is nothing I can do to help him, and that has rendered me useless. For all the homemade vitamin gummies, 48-hour cooked bone broths and homemade elderberry syrups (the things I try to offer when he’s unwell), they simply sit, desolate, on the shelf in the fridge while I ponder the utter irony of the position I find myself in. Food. The very thing that mothers pride themselves on providing to nourish their children, staring at me in the over-qualified, used-to-be-smug face, and there’s absolutely sod all I can do about it. Food. The very thing that mothers pride themselves on providing to nourish their children, staring at me in the over-qualified, used-to-be-smug face, and there’s absolutely sod all I can do about it. Because our children are here to challenge us to the very core of our beings. They strip away the ego until we are forced to bare ourselves naked and acknowledge our truest selves in the most raw, exposed, humanness of our shadow self. And that’s where I’m at now. We were given the diagnoses of ARFID and anaemia caused by malnutrition, and through the bloods were thankfully able to rule out anything inflammatory, autoimmune or coeliac, and we have since found a therapist who specialises in ARFID. She works closely with patients over a long period of time through child psychology, psychotherapy, play therapy, cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), mindfulness-based CBT and trauma-based CBT. We begin on Monday. Though we will see this lady for the time-being, there is a specialist clinic for ARFID at Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital, and we’re trying to get in there as they offer a whole dedicated team with psychologist and dietician. I suppose the diagnosis, or label – something I shunned the idea of myself growing up with a chronic disease in an attempt to not be defined by something I did not choose – almost came as a relief to me. It validated my belief that this is a serious situation that could lead to long-term, chronic health issues, and also helps me to be able to illustrate to people who may trivialise the situation that Braxton is not “just a fussy eater”. I’m going to document our journey with ARFID here, so that relatives and friends can keep abreast of what’s going on, for others going through similar to feel less alone (I won’t say get tips as I clearly have none left, though I hope in time I will build up an arsenal of tools based on results), and for myself, so I can look back on this one sweet day, when Braxton is no longer malnourished, perhaps when he’s that self-assured, confident adult I know he’ll be, and see that this was all part of my learning journey. Until then, I’m still working on myself through meditation, inner-child and unblocking work, and with the spiritual life coach, as, though I am not blaming myself for this condition my son has, I am pretty sure that as parents, with our children being an extension of us (or to go deeper, us all being an extension of one another), our energy contributes to our children’s choices and ultimately, to their health. To that end, I have to do as much work as he does. So here I am, vowing to do that. By: Lauren Vaknine Insta: @laurenvaknine Website: www.laurenvaknine.co.uk So my first experience and encounter with Mothers Meetings was when one of my neighbours, a fellow mum, said ‘hey a Mothers Meetings is happening in the Town House in East London - why don’t we go along and check it out?’ and as it turned out she couldn’t go, but I’d already signed up and to be honest - it was really scary. I had three children by that point and they were all under four years old. Basically it was mental, absolutely mental, but I thought ‘do you know what I’m gonna go and give it a go because I am actually desperately in need of some mental stimulation and adult conversation about ANYTHING else than nappies’.
So off I went up to the townhouse in Bethnal Green and I didn’t have any clothes that looked cool. Everything was just like post baby super stretchy leggings, but I was so so warmly welcomed. I was immediately made to feel comfortable and I sat there in the audience just listening and thinking ‘Wow - thank god there’s life after childbirth’. I didn’t dare go and talk to Jenny or anyone really, there was a lady next to me who was a lawyer and I remember her telling me her story in a break, and I said ‘actually I’m a surgeon and I really don’t think I want to be in the NHS anymore. I don’t really know what to do though’ and basically I kind of made a pact with her that we would do something different - and that’s how my life began again - at a Mothers Meetings. It was amazing - Jenny with her vibrant, incredible, motivating self. Katie was there as the strong support system to all the things that Mothers Meetings was promising us and it was just amazing. For the first time, I felt alive again after having children and a familiar flicker of ‘me’ returned. As it was - after a few months I would set up my clinic and I started working. I created The Clinic by Dr Mayoni and it went from there really and I remember contacting Jenny. I think just say thank you so much for such a great meeting and this is what I’m doing now. And she just asked me to come along and talk at one of our meetings. I said yes, I can’t believe I said yes because it was really scary. Anyway, I have never looked back. Jenny and the gang at Mothers Meetings have only ever been complete cheerleaders of what I’ve I’ve done and what I am doing and I feel incredibly lucky to have had their support in my life. There is no doubt that my business grew because of the support that Mothers Meetings have given me, but more importantly, just the sense of belonging, and the fact that loads of other women like me who had full on brilliant lives before having kids suddenly had to stop, and take a really long hard look at themselves and decide what they want to do. For the first time - I didn’t feel like a total failure or a fraud. I was part of something bigger than me and my little family, so thank you Jenny. I’m still friends with so many of the women I met in those early days, and I will always be incredibly grateful to you and the support that you’ve given me. Best health, Mayoni By: Mayoni Gooneratne Insta: @dr.mayoni Website: www.drmhumanhealth.co.uk As a holistic psychology expert, I've witnessed the profound impact that
nurturing our inner child can have on our emotional wellbeing. Our inner child represents the essence of our early experiences, shaping our beliefs, emotions, and behaviours. Unresolved childhood wounding can often stay hidden within us, influencing our daily lives. The way we interact in our relationships, our own inner voice, whether we adopt unhelpful coping mechanisms or habits that we no longer serve our best interests. Understanding and nurturing our inner child is a beautiful way to foster personal growth and healing. Understanding Our Inner Child: The inner child represents the emotions, needs and experiences we had during our formative years. Unresolved childhood traumas, neglect, or unmet needs can result in the inner child carrying emotional wounding into adulthood. These unresolved emotions can manifest as self-sabotaging behaviours (ummm hello binge drinking, working until burn out or high levels of perfectionism), repetitive relationship challenges or emotional distress. Meetings your inner child with compassion, identifying what she needs and meeting those needs or visualising giving her a big hug are all great places to start. The Importance of Inner Child Healing: 1. Self-Awareness: Healing the inner child fosters self-awareness, allowing us to recognise patterns and triggers rooted in childhood experiences. Offering her understanding and compassion soothes the emotion attached to those unmet needs and empowers us to respond rather than react to present situations. 2. Emotional Healing: Addressing the wounds of our inner child enables emotional healing. Acknowledging and validating past pain allows us to release the emotional charge attached to those experiences and enables us to move forward with greater insight and emotional freedom. 3. Improved Relationships: Bringing awareness to our inner child positively impacts relationships. By understanding our triggers and emotional responses, by offering ourselves compassion for the needs we had that went unmet, we can build healthier connections in our adult life. We no longer need to rely on our partner to soothe attachment wounds from childhood. Practical Steps for Inner Child Healing: 1. Self-Compassion: Practice self-compassion by acknowledging and validating your inner child's feelings. Speak kindly to yourself and offer the same nurturing care to a visualised younger version of yourself that you would to your own child. 2. Inner Dialogue: Engage in inner dialogue exercises. Write letters to your younger self or inner child, offering love, understanding, and reassurance. This helps bridge the gap between past and present selves. 3. Inner Child Visualisation: Visualisation techniques can be powerful. Visualise your inner child and wrap your arms around her or imagine kissing her forehead. What does she need? Try some activities that bring her joy and healing. Spend time in nature, engage in creative pursuits, or simply offer your inner child moments of guilt-free playfulness and relaxation. 4. Therapeutic Support: Consider seeking professional guidance. Holistic therapists, counsellors, or psychologists specialising in inner child work can provide tailored techniques and support your healing journey. 5. Mindfulness and Meditation: Cultivate mindfulness practices to connect with your present emotions. Meditation can help you observe thoughts and emotions without judgment, fostering healing and acceptance. Healing your inner child is a profound and transformative journey. It's about acknowledging past pain, embracing vulnerability and nurturing yourself toward emotional wholeness. By tending to our inner child with compassion and understanding, we pave the way for profound healing, empowering us to live more authentically and wholeheartedly in the present. By: Charlotte Lewis Insta: @MyPsychologyCoach Website: www.mypsychologycoach.com Join us on October 10th at 11:00 AM at Shoreditch House for an extraordinary event that will guide you on the path to discovering your soul's true purpose. Hosted by Mothers Meetings, this inspirational gathering promises to be a transformative experience.
Event Details:
Meet Our Guest Speakers, and host Aisha Carrington!
This event is an opportunity to connect with like-minded individuals and build lasting connections as you embark on this wild and wonderful journey to find your true self. Don't miss out on this chance to unlock your soul's purpose. Reserve your spot now and join us at Shoreditch House on October 10th at 11:00 AM. Let's explore the depths of self-discovery together. See you there! APPLY FOR GUESTLIST - [email protected] A summer holiday survival guide by twin mum and leading life coach Alice Rickard
Website: www.themotherofmind.com Instagram: @motherofmind Let’s be honest… as much as we all love our children, the summer holidays can fill us with dread. Endless weeks of juggling, entertaining, spending, and coordinating. And to top it all off, during the longest days of the year. The tiny little squares of the calendar suddenly seem to have expanded. How the hell am I going to get through this? What am I going to do with them? How am I going to get my work done? These recurring yearly thoughts echo around the minds of mothers EVERYWHERE. As a self-employed, twin mother, living in London, I get it! It’s a lot. I’m sure you've already been bombarded by endless WhatsApps stating who is doing what, which camp is the best, and the top days out for your children, which personally just fuels the anxiety and comparisonitis we mothers can often feel. This guide is not about them. It’s about you. Let me take you from surviving to thriving on the countdown journey to September. Here are my THREE top tips when it comes to managing the summer holidays: PREPARE. PRIORITIZE. PRIZE. PREPARE If you can win the first 5 minutes of your day, you can win the first hour. If you can win the first hour, you can win the day. How you start your day will determine whether you will respond or react to whatever the day throws at you. If you can start your day calmly with some breathwork or even set an intention for how you want to feel that day, you are literally guiding your central nervous system on how to feel. I am aware this sounds wishy-washy, but trust me, this works! It is the difference between me taking a beat to quietly respond to my children fighting over who is getting in the car first or screaming at them and slamming the door. When we start our day by scrolling our phones, checking the gram, or some overactive WhatsApp group, we are telling our brains, ‘Hey, this is how you are going to get your dopamine today,’ and your brain is going to search for it throughout the rest of the day. When we give it calm and peace, our brains search for more of that. We literally instruct ourselves on how the day will go. Before you cuss me out with the ‘well, your children clearly don’t jump on top of your bed at 5 am demanding their iPads’ - they do! And when they do, those are the days it is even more paramount that I prepare my mindset. If you are starting the day thinking this is going to be sh1t. Your mind LOVES to be right, so it is probably gonna be sh1t. You don’t need long, you don’t need crystals and candles and some whole meditation ritual. You need to lock yourself in the loo for 5 mins while you sit your children in front of the TV and do these three things. 1. BREATHE - Start your day by calming your central nervous system with 5 really long, slow, deep breaths. 2. INTENTION - Set your intention for the day. This is honestly the difference between existing and living. Is it to be calm? Is it to be present? Is it to be fun mum? Is it to be organized? Give your mind directions. 3. QUESTION - The quality of your life is determined by the quality of the questions you ask yourself. What do I need to do today to make today a success? What do I need to do today to make me feel happy? PRIORITIZE Something I had to learn the hard way when I became a mother was understanding the IMPORTANCE of prioritizing myself. As a mother, prioritizing yourself is so important for both the well-being of your family and your sanity. It may seem counterintuitive at times, as your natural instinct is to put your children's needs first, but it is essential for both your energy levels and emotional capacity to survive listening to the same song on repeat in your car for 8 weeks. Prioritizing yourself doesn't mean neglecting your children; rather, it involves carving out moments for yourself. It doesn’t matter what that time entails, but make sure it's something that brings you energy. What do I mean by that? Going for a walk listening to a podcast that makes you laugh, rather than scrolling a feed on the sofa that makes you feel inferior. Spending time with someone that makes you belly laugh so hard it tests your pelvic floor, versus someone who sucks the life out of you. Whatever it is, it should feel great. By nurturing yourself, you set a positive example for your children, teaching them the value of self-love, balance, and resilience. You know the classic saying men have “happy wife, happy life” - I like to remind this one to my children: ‘A mum that has rest is the mum that’s the best.’ PRIZE Hear me out. A lot of jobs give you a commission-based bonus. A lot of tough endurance races give you a medal. It’s a supportive way to acknowledge your performance. How often do you acknowledge your performance as a mother? How often do you say, ‘Do you know what I really nailed that meltdown, I handled it calmly, with no support, and got the job done’? My best mum friend, Mary (you know the type that you wouldn’t have survived motherhood without), came up with a brilliant idea that we needed some sort of reward system for getting through various stages in our kids' lives, or in particular school holidays! Rewards have included spa trips, drunken shopping sprees, and my favorite one to date, a trip to go and see exotic dancers who pick you up and throw you around some dirty room in North London. The prize itself is not the point. The logic behind it is. We are all so good at focusing on the negative, the things we’ve failed at or forgotten, the difficulties and the struggles. By having a prize and end goal in mind, it not only helps us move forward, but it also teaches us to look back and give ourselves the recognition we deserve. My hope when you read this is you come up with your own, end-of-summer holiday reward system for all the bloody stars you have earned over the summer holidays. Let me know what your reward is going to be (Instagram @motherofmind) - I seriously want to know. One because I'm sure it will inspire me, but two because if you are taking the time to message me what it is, you are 10 times more likely to actually implement it. And I want that for you. IN SUMMARY:
You can find me on Instagram @motherofmind - come and say hello! Good Luck and have a wonderful Summer Hols. See ya on the flip side. Mother of Mind Alice Rickard x A massive shoutout and heartfelt thanks to all you incredible ladies who rocked our mind-blowing mothers meeting today at the exclusive Shoreditch House, featuring the sensational Siobhan Mears from the legendary Mears Collective! The room was bursting with fierce women determined to turn motherhood into an exhilarating chapter rather than the end of a dusty book. Our phenomenal Mothers Meetings Founder Jenny scott aka @chatwithjenny, as always, poured her heart and soul into making everyone feel welcome, encouraging us to share our stories, ask questions, and unleash our full potential. Her boundless inspiration and kindness are downright infectious!
Siobhan took us on a wild ride, revealing the secret sauce of unleashing our professional lives as women through a plethora of online tools. But here's the kicker: she didn't stop at that. She emphasized the crucial role of nurturing our families' well-being and safeguarding our precious mental health along the way. We collectively acknowledged the power of establishing an unshakeable foundation, paving the way for us to work smarter instead of harder. No more falling prey to the allure of fleeting social media highs. It's all about setting sky-high standards and constructing a rock-solid groundwork that sets the uber-successful businesses apart from the rest. pic by the wonderful @charlottegrayphoto xx When it comes to free platforms and online tools to assist coaches, there are several options available that can support various aspects of coaching. While free solutions may have limitations compared to their paid counterparts, they can still provide valuable resources for coaches. Here are some great free platforms and online tools for coaches:
I just have to share how absolutely incredible the mothers meeting at Shoreditch house was! The guests THE STYLE SISTERS brought so much insight and inspiration, and it was exactly what I needed. A huge shoutout and thank you to Jenny Scott for hosting these life-changing meetings. I have to admit, I was feeling pretty anxious the night before the event. I didn't think I was good enough, glamorous enough, or energetic enough to attend. But I pushed through and, with a little bit of courage and some fancy trackies, I made my way to Shoreditch house. And boy, am I glad I did! The event exceeded my expectations, and I left feeling supported and connected to a tribe of amazing women. The Style Sisters gave fantastic advice on decluttering and organizing your life, and their down-to-earth and friendly personalities made the event even more enjoyable. I can't recommend these mothers meetings enough - they truly are a game-changer.
Here are some tips on having a clutter-free family home: 1. Establish a weekly decluttering routine. 2. Create designated storage areas for each family member's belongings. 3. Encourage your family to donate or sell items they no longer need or use. 4. Use organizational tools such as baskets, bins, and labels. 5. Keep flat surfaces clear of unnecessary items. 6. Only keep items that serve a purpose or bring joy. 7. Limit the amount of knick-knacks and decorative items. 8. Utilize vertical space with shelves and hooks. 9. Keep a "one in, one out" rule for new items brought into the home. 10. Regularly assess and reorganize your storage solutions to ensure they are working effectively. I REALLY CANNOT RECCOMEND THESE EVENTS ENOUGH, EVEN IF YOU DO FEEL SCARED! YOU WILL BE SO PROUD YOU WENT ALONG AND EVERYONE WILL MAKE YOU SO SO WELCOME. Pics by Kelly Reeves |
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